I’ve been reading The Field Negro on a pretty regular basis and last week he posted an entry on interracial dating, based on this article, and the comments to his post were quite interesting. Personally, I think that every time it seems that this topic has been played out, there is always a new article or angle that draws me back in. I side with Field when I say that I couldn’t care less who people choose to date / marry – it’s simply none of my business. Most of my boyfriends have not been black, so I would be a big hypocrite to say anything to the contrary.
BUT I have been known to generalize and while now (being older and wiser) I would never voice my opinion to a stranger who is dating interracially, I have at times been pretty judgmental, especially when I was in my twenties. Back then, when my posse of girlfriends and I would troll the downtown streets of Toronto
Field’s post got me thinking about generalizations. Back then I thought that all brothers thought that by dating a white / Asian / Hispanic/ European girl meant that their social status would be miraculously elevated. And the truth is, I still feel that some guys feel that way. But there are black women that I’ve met who feel that by dating a white guy that they will have more opportunities available to them. Is this self-hate or just reality? Look at Karrine Stephens and Coco Johnsen who were dating Bill Mahr. I totally love Mahr – I’d date him for his intellect, but come on, now.
I’ve even had to check myself. As I have been single by choice for the past two years (two years!) I’ve had plenty of time on my hands to think about who my next victim will be. The last guy I dated was white (but he thought he was black) and the situation was so horrible it made me think twice about doing it again (the police were involved). I have dated white guys who have only wanted to be with me to see what it was ‘like’ to sleep with a black girl. I went out with this guy when I was nineteen whose friend told him that all black women carry Syphilis!
Oh and the family situation. A friend once told me that her one wish was to meet the family of any boyfriend she had! Trust me, she isn’t missing much. An ex-boyfriend’s sister-in -law once pulled me aside and told me that we should break up. I found out later that while she was telling me this, her boyfriend was telling his brother the same thing. So when we did break up months later, I wondered whether it had anything to do with that. Good times, eh? Now granted, self-esteem and common sense have a lot to do with who you choose as a mate, regardless of cultural / ethnic background and in some occasions, I probably choose the attention I was getting over common sense and valuing my self-worth. Did I secretly think that I was getting something better by being with a white guy? I hope not, but I probably was, therefore putting up with a lot of bullshit just to have some asshole on my arm.
Now for the brothers. To be brutally honest, I have wonderful black male friends, but have never had a functional dating relationship with one. It breaks my heart, but I am not going to crucify myself just to be in a relationship. My best friend has recently decided after years of dating guys from various cultural backgrounds that she would rather date brothers. For me, when I have been dissed by a brother, it hurts and is more disappointing than any bad relationship I have been in. You expect more…to be understood, to be valued. But the guys I have been with have judged me on things that I cannot, nor do not want to control:
1) My parents / family are white, Canadian and me growing up in rural Eastern Ontario
2) That because of (a), I don’t know what it’s like to be in the ‘struggle,’ therefore we have little in common
3) My tastes in music, books, tattoos and penchant for live metal / alternative concerts – too weird – I’m ‘whitewashed’
4) My looks / attire – okay so I look a bit weird - just not ‘black’ enough
5) I don’t particularly like nor positively embrace suggestions on how I should dress and behave in order to be more ‘black’ Oh, and I am way too independent. The fact that I have essentially lived on my own since I was 18 doesn’t seem to fare too well (?)
One of the commenter’s on Field’s site mentioned that there is a concerted effort within societal institutions to maintain a dysfunctional relationship between black men and women. Hmm. I tend to agree with the belief that it is beneficial from an economic standpoint for there to be discord, as there is a paranoia that if black folks were to organize that we would overthrow society (hee, hee) but more realistically, I think that systemic and institutional racism and the way how black folks were treated during and post-slavery have a lot to do with it. Commenter’s discussed the penis envy that lies between white and black men; there is also the tension between black and white women in regards to society’s standard of beauty. Anyway, date who you like, I don’t care anymore. If only I could find a brother who had the same intellectual qualities as Henry Rollins……
第一に考 コーチ 財布 えるべきは、被災者支援や事故処理の迅速化です。自 コーチ 財布 民党は、東電の業務の http://www.taradistrict.org/ うち、廃炉や汚染水処理などを分離し、事業を加速することを提案。東電は、廃炉事業などの社 ケイトスペード アウトレット 内分社化の検討を始めましたが、国費を投入 ケイトスペード 財布 することになれば、東電はリストラなど一段と身を切る覚悟を迫られま http://www.dwgbc.org/ す。今後、東電の組織形態の抜本的な改革も議論され アグ ムートンブーツ るでしょう。東日本大震災で被災した子どもたちに楽しい時間を過 アグ ブーツ ごしてもらおうと、福島県南相馬市と相馬 http://www.pumabasketball.com/ 市の小学年生30人を、新潟市が24日の連休中、2泊3日で市内に招待した。市はこの事業を震災後、 UGG ブーツ 毎年続けており、今回で3回目。訪れた児童らは3日、新潟市中央区 UGG ブーツ の市の施設「いくとぴあ食花」で、黄色やオレンジなど蛍光カラーの絵 http://www.eventranger.cc/ の具を使い。
南相馬市立原町第二小学校5年の益 uggブーツ激安 山友喜さん(10)は、「震災による避難で学校に戻っていない UGGブーツ 友達が大勢いて、友達が http://www.folk-note.com/ 減った。寂しいこともあるが、今日は新 アグ アウトレット 潟でいろいろなことができて楽しかった」と話した。 アグ ブーツ アウトレット 法務省入国管 http://www.biocoat-art.biz/ 理局は9日、昨年の外国人入国者数は約1125万人だったと発表した。統計を取り始 コーチ バッグ めた1950年以降で最も多く、初めて1000万 コーチ バッグ 人を超えた。同局は「円安の進行で訪日旅行に割安感が出たことや、東南アジア諸国に http://www.18minutewash.com/ 対する査証(ビザ)の発給要 モンクレール アウトレット 件の緩和が影響した」と分析している。増加の要因としては,円高の是正を背景とした訪日 モンクレール アウトレット 旅行の割安感や,ASEAN諸国 http://www.abqfamily.org/ に対する査証発給要件の緩和等が,観光客の増加を促したことなどが考えられます。
Posted by: peaddyretry | January 19, 2014 at 01:44 AM
pls, check out the interview with halima?
Posted by: pamela stitch | August 29, 2007 at 05:33 PM
Brilliant.
Posted by: anonymous | August 08, 2007 at 10:19 PM