John Mayer's Dick is Racist: The Beauty (or lack thereof) of Black Women

Goddamn, this has been a crazy 2010. I don't know what the hell is going on. There seems to be a lot of blogs and media reports on the patheticness of black women.

I wrote a post last week for Blogher on interracial relationships, one out of the three or four I've written in the past couple of months. I take news reports or what is going on in the Blogosphere and riff on it. First, there was interracial relationships, that focused on whether whites and people of color could really be friends; then it was the Reggie Bush picture on the cover of Essence (who is dating Kim Kardashian) and the issue was celebrating "black love") and the white woman, pregnant with a biracial child who suddenly realized that the world is not as progressive as it should be.

Last week I wrote about a great blog post I came across about the implications about interracial dating and the not-so secret motives about dating someone from another cultural ethnicity. A couple of days ago musician John Mayer but his big-ass foot in his mouth in an interview with Playboy where outside coming off like a total fucking douche, he says this about black women:

PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?

MAYER:I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.

PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.

MAYER:I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.

Now honestly? I'm not a fan, hate his sappy, saccharine music so his personal opinions and preferences do not affect me personally. It is quite interesting, though, not only the public outrage over the above comments and the comments he makes about black folks in general:

PLAYBOY: If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?

MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.

PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?

MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’"

Okay then. There has been much hullabaloo about this and there should be, as when people in the public eye show their ass so blatantly as this jerk, we remember that yes, celebrities are human too. That there is no reason why we should expect them to be anti-racist, non-homophobic or misogynist. It is sad in Mayer's case because he does seem to have a number of black fans and band mates (who I hope kick his ass), and a lot of female fans of every color. So yeah, it's a bit of a disappointment. Also John, don't kiss and tell about the girlfriends you dumped. Not cool.

So what does this have to do with black women? Well, obviously John doesn't think we are up to his level (boo hoo). But neither to many people. According to the above posts and the links I've embedded, we are on the bottom of the beauty scale. Brothers don't want us, and white, Asian, Middle-Eastern....hell no one does. We are loud, opinionated, aggressive, agitated ( I was just called that at work) and whatever else people want to call us, label us and/or demean us. But this is nothing new.

When I was in public school - one of the three I attended - there was two black girls in my 7th grade class. There were three black kids in the whole school. One of the girls, Suzie, dated this white guy for a week, until he came to school one day and told her - and the rest of the class - that his dad told him to get rid of her because "dating a black girl is scraping the bottom of the barrel."  Obviously that incident has stayed with me, along with a handful of other racial/sexual slights I experienced in my formative years.

Again, this is nothing new, and I can't really suggest anything to improve the situation. I am not, and never have invested too much emotional space trying to make anyone change their mind about me. Even though I am 40 and single and haven't met a man ( that isn't married, already in a relationship or a racist or with racist tendencies) that I would even want to have a relationship with) but would like to, people like Mayer do not really bother me. I think it is sad because I know that a lot of people - both men and women - share his sentiment. I also have a number of black female friends who are single and looking and cannot find a man for the life of them. Are we destined to be alone for the rest of out lives? That bothers me.

What also bothers me is the attitude from commenter's and even the Playboy journalist who interviewed Mayer, who seem to support his notion. Media outlets seem more outraged that he would spill shit about Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston than his disparaging remarks about Kerry Washington, whom is a more accomplished actor than both of those women. And that, despite everyone being entitled to their own opinions, that was a bit unnerving.

The recent Vanity Fair issue about "Young Hollywood"  whom despite 2009 being a stellar year for black and Latina actress, the cover did not show any actress of color, most notably Precious's Gabby Sidibie who is nominated for an Oscar was apparently not good enough. What this says to me that no matter what you have accomplished in your life through your educational and / or career choices, if you ain't white, you ain't right.

On a final note, Nordette from Blogher sent me a link to an interesting bit of fluff. White actress Amanda Bynes, who likes to refer to skin colors via ice cream flavors, is catching shit over Twitter over her love (or sexual lust) of black men. I say, play on playa. Chances are that will not detract any future "chocolate" suitors.

Comments

[lainad]

Thanks everyone!

Jesus Michelle. What a crappy story. I don't even know what to say, but thank you for sharing that and I'm so sorry that you had to endure that painful experience. People (well, some people) can be so evil.

[Michelle Lane-Ogden]

Thanks for sharing this Laina. As a multi-ethnic woman of color, meaning my mom is white and my dad is black, who is married to a white man, and we have a 3-year-old child who looks like me physically, but is closer in skin tone to my husband, this seems like the story of my life. Dating has never been easy for me, and since I have dated primarily white males, things have been very difficult at times.

I had a similar experience when I was in junior high. I dated a boy who's father wasn't happy about me being his son's girlfriend, and one day when I called the house, he answered the phone and told my boyfriend that his nigger was on the phone. We didn't date for much longer after that, not only because of his father's hatred of our relationship, but because another girl, a white girl who was supposed to be my friend went behind my back and had sex with my boyfriend. That was probably one of the most hurtful things that happened to me when I was a kid. There I was in love with this boy, I thought he loved me, and the person I confided the most in about our relationship goes and stabs me in the back, knowing about all of my insecurities dealing with racism, being one of the ONLY interracial couples at school, it was just awful. I cried and cried for weeks, and I still haven't forgiven her.

Most of my other dating experiences have been chock-full of questioning looks from parents and friends, misinformed statements about what our children would be like, and waking up one morning to find out that all along I've been sleeping next to a closet racist (more than once).

Worrying about my appearance, being judged against white women, not knowing if it's safe to approach someone I find attractive. It's been a mine field of psychological torture.

Again, thank you for sharing this.

[shelly]

Excellent site, keep up the good work. I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks
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Shelly
Street Fights

[TBG]

awesome.